Rowing the same boat!

Rowing the same boat!

For years now, my only contact with parents and patients who are going through the same dilemma has been over the phone or on the Internet.

Yesterday, and for the first time, my husband and I took our courage in our hands and proceeded physically to our initial family to family meeting. When we entered the room, I saw the identical look on most parents' faces, drained, sad and exhausted, all of us were rowing the same boat, all of us were looking and searching for answers.

I felt compelled to reach out and help them as I had the equivalent perception coming toward me. I was immediately embraced and befriended without making any efforts. We talked for hours about our loved ones, comparing strategies and therapies, Oh it was so good and real... 

We decided that in case of actual crisis we will help by taking turns

 being there physically and pitching in, no questions asked. 

We didn't feel we were encumbering anyone with our accounts. As a result, we felt a deep connection and invited few couples over to our home. We came into this meeting as strangers, nervous and apprehensive, and we left with a lighter heart and Many new friends who come from every walk of life. I am blessed and empowered. We now have allies, and we are rowing one same boat.

What do you do when the curtains of anosognosia open up to show reality?
As parents, family, friends and physicians , we work very hard for years through teaming up  to bring our loved one to admit, face and embrace their illness.
I often thought to myself that if my son could  realize that he is ill, it would make his therapy easier, his adherence to medication a breeze and his future much brighter.
Beating anosognosia became my obsession, (hard word to spell and to pronounce just like its meaning). The patient can't realize that he is ill because his reality it completely and totally real. The voices have taken enough shape and character to eclipse their surroundings.  Getting my son to take his medications and adhere to therapy was probably the most difficult and daunting task at hand. However, how can you challenge the response? I am not sick. I don't need meds? Such a popular response that Doctor Xavier Amador has written a book about it. First, I used to challenge his disorganized speeches, his absurd clothing, his open reactions to auditory hallucinations... I became angry. Come on.... you are too smart for that... can't you see how you look? Can you even hear what you are  saying? Why are you laughing? What is so funny? I thought  pointing at all that will definitely be a winner but to my dismay, it didn't.
After I used the LEAP ( Listen, emphasize, agree and partner), and because my son was ready, I used it ad nauseam: don't you want to reach this? It could be so much easier with (name of medication)!
I became a trusted partner and (oh if only the pharmaceutical company  heard me)! A loyal advocate for the benefits  this tiny little pill represented (I made it look so insignificant in size but with huge positive significances to reach a goal). I never gave up, kept pounding these ideas repeatedly, beating the odds and the voices which (I guess) couldn't handle dismissing mine anymore!
My son sat with me on the couch the next morning, and said, Mom; I don't feel well.  I am ill, and I need help.

I looked at him... I could feel my heart pounding...

I was completely blown away.
The next phase was very important. Crucial. Depression was looming. I knew at this point that my son was asking me to get him the help he needed.

As I was ready to formulate another LEAP phrase to get him to partner toward our next goal,  he simply said: Mom, I think it is time. I need to go to the hospital.
Although my heart was breaking...I did hear the soothing bells of "Oh glory" ringing in my head!

The caregiver syndrom

                          

 

 

 

 

It takes a strong character and nature, commitment and dedication to be the eternal cheerleader for a mentally ill family member.
 It is so much easier to sweep this topic under the carpet, to ignore it and to dismiss it instead of dealing with it and coping to one's best ability with the endless spirals of positive and negative cycles.
It is a very lonely, overwhelming and forsaken place as a mother or anyone who is a caregiver. Friends, families, who are too nervous refuse to educate themselves therefore become, allies and architects of  stigma that the sufferer and his team endures.
 Beyond the pain and discomfort of their mental illnesses,  they have to deal with ignorance, fearful apprehension and acts of disappearances, of persons they thought closest to them. These responses also affect the caregiver on many levels:
If a team is not created to support and pitch in, the caregiver becomes resentful, angry and tired before reaching acceptance. This situation has a label: it is called the caregiver syndrome.