Happy New Year!

I wish you a Happy New year!
As the year 2014 winds down, and the dawn of 2015 shows its rays, I wish you all the best.
This year has been challenging, ups and downs as we all  witness in our journey. I will dedicate this year to share how I have grown since I have been living with my son who suffers from a mental illness. I would also would like to dedicate this year to whomever thinks that I have to deal with a difficult deck of cards!
I have learned patience, for I have always been impatient, wanting things to happen yesterday. I have learned to be a nurturer beyond nurturing, and my son is my teacher. I take his falls and his progress as they come, and I act accordingly. I learned courage, for I have seen dark days but stood tall and faced them with courage. I learned to stop complaining because it doesn't improve or shorten the suffering . I am grateful that I learned to be proactive instead of lengthening the time to face and dissipate the issues at hand. I have also learned to compartmentalize, working and taking care of my son are now two separate entities and one doesn't stand in the way of the other.
I have learned to grab a positive day with my son and make the best of it, enjoying the little pleasures of laughing and spending quality time with him, which fuels my courage when we have to go through another challenging day.
I have learned : researching and discovering new outlooks on my son's illness. Papers and books on this illness furnish my desk, and  are pinned on my walls. 
I have grown this year, mentally and spiritually. I still enjoy material things! Nothing like a beautiful scarf or a great smelling perfume to lift my spirit, but now, I savor more  the little pleasures that life gifts me and I am thankful for  every precious moment.
Happy 2015, please enjoy every moment you've been gifted.

In the trenches, again...

Whenever you think that you are shielded from a psychotic event due to non compliance you are wrong.

This  is exactly what happened.

 All was going well, my son was more sociable, he was far from the claws of psychosis and I was letting my hair down.

But low and behold…. Lurking there in the darkness, our foe was watching, waiting until opportunity presented itself … yet again

I knew all the pre- psychosis break symptoms, I knew them all but it didn’t help from sending shivers down my spine a feeling of vulnerability and helplessness invaded me when I saw it happen.  I didn’t allow this feeling  to take over, time was ticking and I declared war against that pitiless intruder that plagued my son’s head again.

This is to all parents that may go through the same dilemma.

I didn’t allow to ask myself many questions. The why and how didn’t take too much space from my plan. I knew I only had another ally in my crusade: my son’s step father. Consequently I didn’t dwell too long  on who or why others  were  not there to help us.

This ideal was long gone, faux- friends and family could very well take a hike. I didn’t waste too much time on their inadequacy. We didn’t need excuses; we needed action and a pro- active presence. Together we started planning. This time we had to act promptly and there was no time to waste.

Endless back and forth to my son’s room, trying over and over again to break the barrier of his silence, talking louder than the voices and replicating our messages with  short and repetitive  sentences until we started seeing a light of recognition in his eyes. We  knew this bright light trying to peak through and we  took advantage digging deeper and more often. Losing sleep and managing a 10hours work day, daily chores as well as my son’s illness was not an easy job for an ordinary human being.

My message to parents in case of a relapse:

Keep your messages short and sweet. Repeat the same message until your son/ daughter says: “ Stop, you keep repeating the same thing”. This is how you know that you’ve scored your first goal, that you’re getting somewhere. That’s the sign you’re yearning for: you’re getting closer to  making  sense in the chaotic world that resides in your child’s head. Don’t stop… carry on… never let your hair down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ApstMKNEMI

And... about gun control

 

I have willingly tried to avoid this subject because I don't like to be branded as a Democrat or a Republican. However, as we read the news, we see yet another shooting, and more victims  because a sick young man/woman went so long under the radar that his or her actions became imminent.
I could give you one example, a young man standing next to a pharmacy where I go to pick up our prescription is standing there, in dirty clothes, talking to himself while everybody passes him by. Until someone who understands his illness will try to make a call to the authorities. This is when one hears on the other side of the conversation: he isn't a danger to himself or others at this time.

A very typical answer.

So, when do we really interfere? As I learned later on, this young man was living with an older grandmother, didn't have any money or insurance to buy his medication and was left alone, struggling with an illness that doesn't disappear from one day to the next, but increases in intensity if not treated.
Yes, we can ban weapons from the public. Anyway, who needs weapons when you have the police, the military and the swat teams?

But... if we outlawed weapons from the general public, isn't it like banning food from someone who's trying to go on a diet? Or alcohol from someone who is trying to stop his drinking? or drugs from someone who's trying to kick his drug habit? If that person is determined to change his ways and stop his addiction, this person will succeed. Unfortunately, banning weapons from someone who is determined to use them is a moot point.

Black markets, online stores have made selling weapons easy to a person  without a license.

So where is the solution? 
Education. Educating first responders as well as educating people who sell guns for profit is a must and an obligation. I also believe that black markets selling guns to people without a license or a suspended license  should be accountable for selling weapons and also they should be liable and held responsible not only for selling them illegally, but also for the aftermath and the possible violent result of their sales.

 

Dismissing a parent's call to the authorities when the mother or father takes their courage in both hands to dial 911. Which by the way,isn't easy in any way to do... It is at least one of the hardest most difficult tasks a parent will face during his lifetime.
I read many reports of parents, friends, and family asking authorities for help, which was simply turned down, and few days later we read, and hear on the news that something horrible has happened.  That "Something" that could have been  averted. 
We teach our children a lot while they are growing up. Nevertheless, we never educate them on mental illness, although it is all around us.

Unfortunately, from our schools to our daily lives mental illness is still the white elephant in the room.

 Isn't it time we educate ourselves a bit more instead of putting on blinders?
I faced that problem once when I called the authorities a long time ago because I felt  my son was becoming violent. They tried to turn me down. However, I was prepared through research for such a response.  I, immediately contacted my son's psychiatrist for assistance.He talked them through the steps to take in this particular instance.  We both explained  that hospitalization was the beginning of an urgent therapy to save him  from his delusional thoughts. I got  lucky because they agreed to take him to the hospital that day.

Unfortunately, how many parents could say that? And how could we make education and treatment more available to everyone so help isn't so hard to find, and catastrophes like the ones we read about more preventable?

Simply by making treatment and education a necessary must, and not a choice.